Jokes: Bring 'em!

[deathblow]

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and pimples?

Pimples come on your face AFTER puberty.

[Arnold_R1]

Whats the difference between Micheal Jackson and a plastic bag?

One is white, made of plastic, and is unsafe around children! The other is used to hold groceries!

[deathblow]

What, noone else has jokes?

[TreAdidas]

aight aight I got one..... Sean's Bike

[shichyea]

What do Michael Jackson and a Big Mac have in common?

They're both 40 year old meat between 10 year old buns.


...ok that was bad, sorry.

[shichyea]

Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men?


He thought it was a delivery service.

[deathblow]

HAHA, that's more like it!

Another MJ...

Why was Michael Jackson at KMart the day after Thanksgiving?

He heard that boys pants were half off!

[Arnold_R1]

:lol: :razz:

[TreAdidas]

:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :D :D

[GPTECHMAN]

LAME!!!!!!!!

[deathblow]

Originally posted by GPTECHMAN
LAME!!!!!!!!

At least he contributed!

[TreAdidas]

Q. What do you call a cow jumping over a barbed wire fence?

A. An "udder" catastrophe

[Ikazuchi]

A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can.
The bartender says, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?"

The guy says, "You would be drinking fast if you had what I had."

The bartender says, "What do you have?"

The guy says, "75 cents."

[Ikazuchi]

A guy walks into a bar and orders 6 shooters. The bartender says, "Looks like you are having a bad day."
The guy says, "Am I ever! To start, I woke up late for work. On my way to work I got in an accident. When I got to work I was four hours late, so the boss fired me. Then to top everything off I came home to my wife screwing my best friend."

The bartender says, "What did you say to your wife?"

The guy says, "I told her to get out, and I never want to see her again."

The bartender says, "What did you say to your best friend?''

The guy says, ''I said BAD DOG!''

[pasta fredo]

Originally posted by Ikazuchi
A guy walks into a bar and orders 6 shooters. The bartender says, "Looks like you are having a bad day."
The guy says, "Am I ever! To start, I woke up late for work. On my way to work I got in an accident. When I got to work I was four hours late, so the boss fired me. Then to top everything off I came home to my wife screwing my best friend."

The bartender says, "What did you say to your wife?"

The guy says, "I told her to get out, and I never want to see her again."

The bartender says, "What did you say to your best friend?''

The guy says, ''I said BAD DOG!''

LOL....rrrrrrrrruff.

I don't have a funny bone in my body so I'll save you all the pain.

[AWP]

why did the moon refuse to eat lunch?
...
because it was full

[TreAdidas]

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have the guts

[pulse]

Originally posted by TreAdidas
aight aight I got one..... Sean's Bike


hahahahaha LOL!!!!! we haVE winner

[TreAdidas]

Originally posted by pulse
hahahahaha LOL!!!!! we haVE winner

:D

[shichyea]

...breakfast

[deno]

McHeartAttack:ha:

[TreAdidas]

"SIIIIIICK"

[deathblow]

Originally posted by shichyea
...breakfast

One of my favorites :).

[Gixxer_6]

Q: What is black and has 27 tits?

A: A trash bag outside a cancer clinic

[EvilKawi]

Here's how to ...

[gahonee]

leave michael alone! you're no longer my idol allan...it's back to michael....cause y'all haterzzz! J/P just wanted to post something

[Crash716]

what does snoop dog wash his clothes with....




BLLLLEEEEAAAACHHHH!

[Crash716]

What do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you....





Nacho Cheese

[SST_COBRA619]

A naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a two foot salami under the other. She lays the poodle on the table. Bartender says, 'I suppose you won't be needing a drink.' Naked lady says "OOHHHH Shiit!!"

[gahonee]

Originally posted by shichyea
...breakfast

why it gotta be nut'n'b1tch????

HA! funny F*CKERS!

[gahonee]

Originally posted by SST_COBRA619
A naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a two foot salami under the other. She lays the poodle on the table. Bartender says, 'I suppose you won't be needing a drink.' Naked lady says "OOHHHH Shiit!!"


:uhh:

:-p

[shichyea]

Originally posted by SST_COBRA619
A naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a two foot salami under the other. She lays the poodle on the table. Bartender says, 'I suppose you won't be needing a drink.' Naked lady says "OOHHHH Shiit!!"

Breakfast Club! ahhh the memories :) reminds me of my senior year in high school :errf:

[SST_COBRA619]

lol

[SST_COBRA619]

A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."

The lady asks, "How do I do it without surgery?"

"Just rub toilet paper between them."

Startled the lady asks, "How does that make them bigger?"

"I don't know, but it worked for your ass."

[gahonee]

why it gotta be all female jokes?

what? tryin to catch up? your up by 4 posts i think

[Arnold_R1]

-what do you call two mexican dudes playing basketball. . .Juan on Juan! :clap: :roflmao:

[SST_COBRA619]

haha

[redhead4u]

that's bad, bet he'll be in the dog house for a while

[gahonee]

Originally posted by redhead4u
that's bad, bet he'll be in the dog house for a while

fo sho

[cbr619rr]

Why do men fart more than women?























Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure

[SST_COBRA619]

What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common?


















They both like a tight seal.

[Ikazuchi]

Here's a joke for ya:


The Los Angeles Lakers

:roflmao: :roflmao:


Yeah...what's up now Arnold!?!

[SST_COBRA619]

K you win...

[Arnold_R1]

Originally posted by Ikazuchi
Here's a joke for ya:


The Los Angeles Lakers

:roflmao: :roflmao:


Yeah...what's up now Arnold!?!

PSSSSSHHHHH!

**A Kindergarten teacher tells her class she's a BIG Lakers fan.
She's really excited about it and asks the kids if they're Lakers fans too.

Everyone wants to impress the teacher and says they're Lakers fans too, except ONE kid, ...named Marc.

The teacher looks at Marc and says, "Marc, you're not a Lakers fan?"

He says, "Nope, Im a Sacrmento Kings fan!" She says, "Well why are you a Sacrmento Kings fan and not a Lakers fan?"

Marc says, "Well, my mom is a Sacrmento Kings fan, and my dad is a Sacrmento Kings fan, so I'm a Sacrmento Kings fan."

The teacher's starts laughing in humor and says, "Well, if your moms an idiot, and your dads a moron, then what would you be?!"

Marc says, "Then I'd be Chris Weber" :clap:

[SST_COBRA619]

lol

[swll360]

Just a little lengthy, but its pretty good!

This Virgin boy turns 18yrs old and his father says to him, "Tonight son, you're gonna be a man and you're gonna get laid". So they end up at the mustang ranch where there are 15 beautiful women standing in line, waiting for the virgin boy. Father says, "pick anyone you want and she's yours". So the boy goes in to the back room with this Sexy Blond, where she proceeds to ask him what he wants to do. "I've never done anything like this before" say's the boy. "Well", says the blond, "we can start off with this thing called the sixty-nine." "I'll get on top of you upside down, play with your package and you just pick it up from there." "Sounds good", says the boy. She drops her panties, gets on top of him and gets to work. A$$ all up in the boys face, he decides to sniff around. Enjoying her scent, he starts to smell harder, then all of a sudden, Poot!, she farts in his face. Embarrassed, she gets up, opens the window and apologizes. The boy, so caught in the "69" thing, says, "It's cool, I kinda like what you were doing." So they’re at it again. This time he decides to start licking around. As his tongue touches her, she Farts again! "Oh My God" the blond says, "I am so very sorry, this has never happened before." The boy is dead silent this time with nothing to say. "Let me make it up to you" says the blond, and she gets right back on top of him. Work'n the boy like no man has ever been worked before, he's going crazy in ecstasy and decides he's gonna start lick'n that ASSSSSSS! All up in her, she farts again......... She stands up to apologize and sees that his pants are on and that he is on his way out the door. "Where you going?" ask's the Blond. The Boy Replies... There’s No Way I Can Go Through That 66 More Times. Thanx but No Thanx!"

[gahonee]

Originally posted by swll360
Just a little lengthy, but its pretty good!

This Virgin boy turns 18yrs old and his father says to him, "Tonight son, you're gonna be a man and you're gonna get laid". So they end up at the mustang ranch where there are 15 beautiful women standing in line, waiting for the virgin boy. Father says, "pick anyone you want and she's yours". So the boy goes in to the back room with this Sexy Blond, where she proceeds to ask him what he wants to do. "I've never done anything like this before" say's the boy. "Well", says the blond, "we can start off with this thing called the sixty-nine." "I'll get on top of you upside down, play with your package and you just pick it up from there." "Sounds good", says the boy. She drops her panties, gets on top of him and gets to work. A$$ all up in the boys face, he decides to sniff around. Enjoying her scent, he starts to smell harder, then all of a sudden, Poot!, she farts in his face. Embarrassed, she gets up, opens the window and apologizes. The boy, so caught in the "69" thing, says, "It's cool, I kinda like what you were doing." So they’re at it again. This time he decides to start licking around. As his tongue touches her, she Farts again! "Oh My God" the blond says, "I am so very sorry, this has never happened before." The boy is dead silent this time with nothing to say. "Let me make it up to you" says the blond, and she gets right back on top of him. Work'n the boy like no man has ever been worked before, he's going crazy in ecstasy and decides he's gonna start lick'n that ASSSSSSS! All up in her, she farts again......... She stands up to apologize and sees that his pants are on and that he is on his way out the door. "Where you going?" ask's the Blond. The Boy Replies... There’s No Way I Can Go Through That 66 More Times. Thanx but No Thanx!"

:fart: :D

[Philo]

Three woman were on the run from the law. One was a burnette, the other a red head, and the last a blonde. They could hear sirens in the distance, so they decided to hop into three very large potato sacks.

The police found the sacks and, not knowing what was in them, decided to kick them to see what would happen.

The first sack they kicked was the burnettes, and she went "bark," so the cops said, "Eh, it's just a dog."

Then they kicked the red head's sack. "Meow!" "Eh, it's just a cat."

They then kicked the blonde's sack, who then said "potatoes!"

[gahonee]

Originally posted by Philo
Three woman were on the run from the law. One was a burnette, the other a red head, and the last a blonde. They could hear sirens in the distance, so they decided to hop into three very large potato sacks.

The police found the sacks and, not knowing what was in them, decided to kick them to see what would happen.

The first sack they kicked was the burnettes, and she went "bark," so the cops said, "Eh, it's just a dog."

Then they kicked the red head's sack. "Meow!" "Eh, it's just a cat."

They then kicked the blonde's sack, who then said "potatoes!"

:) :rolleyes:

[redhead4u]

ehhhhh....yeah

[Philo]

:jackoff:

Speeding Ticket

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?


Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.


Woman: Oh, I see.


Officer: Can I see your license please?


Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.


Officer: Don't have one?


Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.


Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers
please.



Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you
Want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and
calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A
Senior Officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and
you murdered the owner.

Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a
Driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands
it to the officer. The officer snaps opens the clutch purse and examines
the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a
license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up
the owner.


Woman: Bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too.

[afrothunder]

Originally posted by Philo
:jackoff:

Speeding Ticket

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?


Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.


Woman: Oh, I see.


Officer: Can I see your license please?


Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.


Officer: Don't have one?


Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.


Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers
please.



Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you
Want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and
calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A
Senior Officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and
you murdered the owner.

Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a
Driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands
it to the officer. The officer snaps opens the clutch purse and examines
the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a
license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up
the owner.


Woman: Bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too.

LOL i like that one! :clap:

[Gixxer_6]

Why are Mike Tysons eyes red after sex?
















The Mace

[Gixxer_6]

What do fat people do during the summer?




























Stink

[Gixxer_6]

What do you call a 350 lb striper?



Broke

[Captain G Force]

sorry its a bit long, hope ya like it...

a guy walks into a bar he's never been too and orders a drink. just over the bar is a huge sign saying "Wanna Win a Million? Ask the Barkeep." curious, the guy asks the bartender how he can win a million dollars. the bartender tells the man "I got a horse in the back of the bar, and if you can make him laugh, then cry, ill give ya a million dollars, the one rule, you cant touch him." so the newcomer says "ok, why the hell not, how hard can this be?" "Well, so far, not a single person has been able to do this, and many have tried." "yeah, ok, whatever, ill take a shot at it" so the bartender takes the man out side and shows him the horse and says "have fun, ill be back out in a minute" the barkeep goes inside and comes out in less than a minute and the horse is rolling on the floor laughing! the barkeep is astounded, but tells the guy "well, you got half of it...be back in another minute..." so the barkeep goes off for another minute and when he gets back, the horse is bawling! completely shocked, the bartender tells the man "well ill be dayumed! you are the first person to ever do that! come inside and have a drink on me while i write you the check" once inside, the now curious bartender asks the man how he made the horse laugh then cry. the man says "well first, to make him laugh, i told the horse i had a bigger d*k than he did" "well how did you make him cry?" "i showed him"

[Arnold_R1]

Got this email from my supervisor! :eek:

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work & productivity from employees, it would be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T. than any one else.

If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our managers are specially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.

Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T.S.H.I.T.). Since our managers took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, & are all full of S.H.I.T. already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a job training others. we can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.). Those who are full of B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T. will get the S.H.I.T. jobs, and can apply for promotion to DIRECTOR OF INTENSIVE PROGRAMMING (D.I.P. S.H.I.T.).

If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TRAINING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).

Thank you,

BOSS IN GENERAL
SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
(B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)